There are a lot of tough things about being a feminist parent. One of the most frustrating is trying to find toys and books that don’t reinforce gender stereotypes. I’ve ranted a few times about “girl” toys, but this time will be different! This post is about books.

Since My Grrl is still young, it’s been easy to fall back onto favorites when it comes to reading her stories. We’ve had countless readings of Dr Seuss books, some Elmo and Dora books, and Spider-Man books. But since she is getting a little older, and partly because her folks need a little bit of change, I’ve started looking for some positive girl role model type stories.

The article over at The Guardian about feminist books for five-year-olds caught my eye, and I’ve already wanting to look into a few of the ones she lists. (I liked how she wrote her review of the books, and then the reactions of both of her kids to the story.)

An obvious ‘duh’ I should have thought of was Pippi Longstocking. I really loved the movies when I was a kid, although I think that might need to wait until My Grrl is a little older. It’s a definite idea to get for my niece who is almost 6 though.

One of the two books My Grrl has was actually on her list.

Princess Smartypants By Babette Cole

A riotously subversive read. “Princess Smartypants did not want to get married. She enjoyed being a Ms.” Princess Smartypants keeps giant slugs as pets and challenges her geeky prince suitors to roller-disco marathons. When one of them finally wins her over, she kisses him, intentionally turning him into a toad. “When the other princes heard what had happened to Prince Swashbuckle, none of them wanted to marry Smartypants. So she lived happily ever after.” Excellent. Although, interestingly, the children seriously struggled with the idea that anyone might not want to get married.

I really like the idea of the tough and smart princess that doesn’t need to get married or have a prince rescue her. However, I had a bit of a problem with the execution in Princess Smartypants. She was just plain mean to the princes. When we tell the story, we try to say that what she is deliberately doing to them isn’t nice. It doesn’t matter if the person is a prince, that doesn’t justify turning him into a toad just because you don’t want to get married. I really believe that the message could have been told in a kid friendly way, yet still convey the idea that a girl doesn’t have to get married or have a man to have fun and be happy. My idea was that the final prince did all the things she asked of him, and since he was a lot of fun, they decided to be best friends. Or something a little better than deliberately turning him into a toad. It could have also shown girls to tell people what they want, and to communicate. The story that her mother was pushing her to marry someone, and that the princess was trying to make the tasks impossible to get out of it, instead of just telling her mother what she wanted…just doesn’t sit well with me. Again, a good idea, but poor execution.

The other book we have is The Paperbag Princess.

Princess Elizabeth was planning on marrying Prince Ronald, who was practically perfect. Then along came a dragon, which destroyed her kingdom, kidnapped Ronald, and burned all her clothes so that she had no choice but to wear a paper bag. She tracked down and outwitted the dragon. She challenged the dragon to burn forests with fire and to fly around the world. The dragon completed the tasks but after flying around the world a second time became tired and fell asleep. Elizabeth then saved Ronald. He didn’t even thank her and told her to come back to rescue him when she looked more princessy. Then Elizabeth realized what a bum Ronald was, told him off, and went off to live her own life.

The Paperbag Princess story was better, but the ending was a little abrupt. Even My Grrl seemed to think there should have been more to the ending, but otherwise it’s a decent book. Recommended for those with young kids.

Anyone have any good suggestions for books we should buy her? I definitely want to check out the library, but I also want to support authors who create books with positive messages. I know there are some good kids books that feminists would be happy to read to their kids, or have their kids read once they can.

My first Christmas I learned the horrors of robots. But I never would have guessed how truly terrifying they could be until after my last visit to the zoo.

When Mommy and Daddy told me we were going to the zoo, I was really excited. I like seeing all the animals, and was told this trip we’d also see some dinosaurs! I love going to see the dinosaur bones at the Sam Noble.

After walking around and seeing a lot of animals, we went into a big white tent. I saw some dinosaur bones, but something wasn’t quite right. There was a loud roar that filled the tent, and when we came around the corner, I saw where it was coming from. A huge robot dinosaur. I quickly went behind Daddy and told him we needed to go back this way, pointing to where we just came in. He picked me up and tried to tell me it was ok while he took me to the robot dinosaurs. I kept telling Mommy and Daddy that we needed to go back, but they insisted it was ok, and pointed to a big Triceratops. It was as big as Mommy’s car! But it was the robot dinosaur with the long neck that moved that really scared me. I began crying and saying “No!!! Go back that way!” over and over, and only after then did Mommy and Daddy take me out. But not after we had to walk by a dinosaur that was bigger than our house.

We finally got outside and I began to calm down. Mommy and Daddy said we were going home, and I was relieved to find Mommy’s car.

Even though I didn’t see the robot dinosaurs anymore, I had to tell them “Don’t bite my fingers and toes, robot dinosaurs! You’ll go to time out and call your mom and dad!” You never can be too careful when it comes to robots. They’ll be the end of us, I’m convinced of it, and it will be people like Mommy and Daddy who aren’t scared enough that will be our downfall.

Technorati tags: baby grrl, roboapocalypse

I was going to put the title the other way around, but I feel that since my feminism came first (not to mention it took a long time before I even decided to become a parent), it is about how motherhood affects being a feminist. After seeing Wired For Noise this morning, I’ve got some thoughts of my own on 10 questions on being a feminist mother.

1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?

My feminism is all about making sure Baby Grrl knows she is not inferior just because she was born, or identifies as, a girl, while using teaspoons (or tablespoons if needed) to fight against discrimination, violence, etc in all aspects of life to better not only women, but all people. (I didn’t capture it all…one sentence is hard.) It’s hard to point to one time and say “That’s when I became a feminist” since it’s developed over time, but it’s been recently that I’ve become more vocal about it. With age comes wisdom and the confidence to just speak out. It was waaaay before I became a mother. I waited a long time since I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be one for a while.

2. What has surprised you most about motherhood?

How I’m willing to do stuff I would really hate, just because it’s for Baby Grrl. Like get up when I’m really tired, or clean up puke & crap. Literally…crap. That didn’t really surprise me too much, but it’s just that I’ll jump to it without hesitation. Without thinking gross until after the fact.

3. How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism?

Feminism has so much to it, and I’m learning and thinking about things differently all the time, so of course it has changed. I’d be afraid of someone who thinks the exact same way after over 20 years. The impact has kept me on my toes. It’s amazing how ingrained in our culture and into me so much about the traditional roles of women and how people are “supposed” to act and think about kids. I’m super lucky that I’ve got a feminist hubby. He does so much with Baby Grrl, like giving her a bath, changing her diapers, playing with her. He doesn’t think just because I’m the mom that means I’m the primary caretaker. Motherhood, and fatherhood, have been great to show just how important being a feminist means.

4. What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting?

It’s difficult for me to answer this without including my hubby because I don’t parent by myself. What makes us feminist parents is that we strive to make Baby Grrl know that she isn’t limited by her gender. We try to empower her and demonstrate that there isn’t anything wrong with “girl” things, or that “boy” things aren’t better. How this differs? Well, I’ve often read or heard other parents not wanting their kids doing something or playing with a toy because it’s “for a girl” or “for a boy”. Related is pushing kids into stereotypes, which we don’t do either. All that stuff is a result of feminism impacting our parenting.

5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother?

Fuck yeah I feel compromised. From the media to the toy industry to people saying Baby Grrl shouldn’t like comic books and superheros (because she’ll end up gay…don’t get me started on that one), it’s super hard to keep out sexist, homophobic, misogynistic, racist, whatever. I don’t want her to grow up in a void, but we want her to know that isn’t the way to treat other people. Failed? Well, I think every mother can say she has felt like she failed at least once. All I can do is try my best.

6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why?

Not in the way you’d think. When you think of a mother, it’s often the stereotypical mom-is-primary-caregiver or “soccer mom” type that I see around Oklahoma. As a result, I don’t hang around other moms. I tried going to a couple of functions when Baby Grrl was younger, but I couldn’t continue. While I do miss the company sometimes, hanging out with my childless by choice friends and my hubby is much more rewarding.

7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist?

I don’t see anything I do for Baby Grrl as a sacrifice. Hubby & I didn’t take the decision to become a parent lightly, and knew there would be work involved. Besides, she needs both hubby and I to teach her how to be a good human being; aside from the basics like how to read.

8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner?

Like I’ve mentioned, hubby is a feminist already. I wouldn’t have been with him otherwise. I feel we both use feminism in our parenting by showing Baby Grrl what a respectful, equal, and loving relationship looks like. Plus the added bonus of hearing him tell her she can be anything she wants to be. Like she can get a PhD and break the stereotype of what people think of when they hear the title “Dr” or “Professor”. Or she could be an astronaut. See, when other feminists tell their stories, they often mention a male role model in their life who was a feminist instead of, or in addition to a strong female. It’s difficult to believe you are an equal if you don’t see it exemplified in your own life, so having a feminist father is a great start for her.

9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?

This doesn’t apply to me.

10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers?

I sure hope it hasn’t. I would think it has given mothers a better life. By fighting to get decent health care, maternity/paternity leave, affordable child care, etc. It has given us hope that there one day might be a female president, marriage equality, true power over their own bodies. I may not see all of that in my lifetime, but I’ll work toward Baby Grrl getting to see it.

Technorati tags: motherhood, parenting, feminism

It will be a light posting week here, but I wanted to wish everyone who celebrates getting presents a Merry Xmas! Or a Happy Festivus, since that’s today. If anyone has some tales of the Airing of Grievances or the Feats of Strength, please share! Oh, and to bring teh cute, here’s Baby Grrl getting really excited over presents and sitting on Santa’s lap.

During the 4th of July weekend, we met David and his daughter at the Sam Noble Museum to see all the dinosaur bones and their Supercroc exhibit. It was very cool to finally go to that museum since I’ve never been there. Baby Grrl loved everything, especially if she could get her hands on it. So when we hit the Discovery Room, that was oh so cool to her. She played with bones, got to watch the turtles and salamanders feed, and even got to “dig” in the excavation dig area. Lots of pictures were taken, but here are just a few. (David also has quite a bit at Flikr.)

I love that she’s a curious kid and likes to see how things work. I’m definitely bringing her back to the museum again.

This is how dinosaurs chew

What a big bone!

I want one on my hand

My little excavator

Baby Grrl will be two (already!) in a couple of weeks or so, and we took her to get pictures made. The place we take her is awesome, there are always so many to choose from, it’s hard not to walk out of there with a ton of pictures. Family and friends get as many as they want and we still have some to spare. So for those of you who want to see what Baby Grrl looks like, here are just a few of the many that turned out very well. Click a picture to embiggen.

All of us in the Middle Raged Punk house have the flu. Started with Baby Grrl on Friday, with what we thought was just another cold, but by Monday morning, her fever was back. Her doc verified it was the flu with a test, and by last night both hubby & I had the textbook flu symptoms. We all stayed home from work today, and our doc called in some Tamiflu for us. But even after being home all day, drinking fluids, and taking my medicine, I still feel like crap. I’ve got a couple of posts I want to work on, but they’ll have to wait until I can focus on more than how achy, chilled/fever, and tired I am.

Sucky part? Baby Grrl and I both got the flu shot this year! I get it free at work, since I work in a hospital setting. But even with all my hand cleaning, and trying to avoid getting Baby Grrl’s runny nose on me, here I am. Anyone who has had a kid will tell you it’s nigh impossible to avoid your own kid’s germs. I knew I’d get sick when she turned into my face when she sneezed and I felt it all over my face, including my mouth. Hope you weren’t eating when you read that.

Anyway, that’s enough whining on my end. I’m off to catch up on my RSS feeds then veg out with some junk TV for the night.

Today, hubby and I took Baby Grrl down the road to Pauls Valley, home to the Toy and Action Figure Museum. We got some free passes a few months ago when we went to SoonerCon, and heard from our friend David that it was a pretty good place. (Click on any picture to embiggen and check out more not shown here.)

The curator was just opening up the place when we got there, and hubby talked to him for a few while I shuttled Baby Grrl inside. She was excited and loved seeing all the toys! She really wanted to get into The Adult Collector’s Bedroom:

We walked around, amazed at the variety and quality of some of the toys. There had to be a million dollars worth of collectables there. From classic, mint in box Star Wars, to collectors models, to a life size Spider-Man:

Baby Grrl had a blast, and really enjoyed the playroom (where kids and adults could actually play with toys) and where she could get dressed in her own Spider-Man costume:

Although it’s a tough call when you bring in a rideable Batmobile. That plays the classic TV show theme. She went through three rides.

We’ll have to go back there again, maybe when she’s a little older. Or maybe do one of her birthday’s there, since they host parties. Wait, why do just her party? They’ll do it for hubby’s or mine!

If you’ve ever got a couple of hours to kill, head on down to Pauls Valley and check them out!

I took off Monday and Tuesday of this week, giving me 5 days off in a row. Spent some good time with hubby and baby grrl, running around at the zoo, the park, visiting family, watching movies, playing video games. I’m wiped!

Oh, and I got a new job working for the feds. Yep, this super-liberal punk is going to be doing IT work for The Man. Great benefits, more money. And it’s not like I’m working for this administration or supporting the war or anything like that. My views are still as liberal and strong as ever.

Anyway, wish me luck at my new digs! I’ll try to have some kind of regular Middle Raged Punk programming back at you guys soon.

Last week, a news article quoted a study saying 40% of three month olds watch television. The image that immediately came into my mind was a baby in their diaper, remote in one hand, bottle in the other, zoned out in front of Spongebob Squarepants.

But you know what? I’m included in the 40%.

If we’re awake, the TV is on. It’s always been that way for me. Even if I’m not actively watching it, I’ll have something on for background noise, even if it’s one of the digital music channels. But here’s the thing. Even when we have on cartoons, (Which is likely in our house. Hey, we love cartoons!) Baby Grrl doesn’t really pay much attention. She has specific things that she likes, like the opening song to Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, which she will literally come in from another room just to watch. But when the song is over and the show starts, she will go back to playing. For the most part, she will prefer to play with her toys or play with me and her dad, over watching TV. Even with Sesame Street she doesn’t watch more than a few minutes at a time. Mostly when she hears Elmo or another character she will look up, then turn back to what she was doing. My theory is that because it’s on all the time, and we keep her entertained with playing and reading with her, TV isn’t seen as anything special.

The one exception is before her bath time at night. We will put her in her swing/chair and put on a Baby Einstein video. They last no longer than 30 minutes, and she loves watching them. It gives us a chance to clean up from dinner, wash her cups and bottles from the day, and get small things done around the house. But even during this time, we will interact with her, saying things like “Look, there’s a cow! How does that cow go?”. The videos do a decent job with teaching some things, but they can’t be the sole source of her learning even basics like animal noises. (And no, I don’t think that just because she watches them she will turn into a genius, artist, musician, etc.)

I would hope that we don’t turn into one of the parents who Wil Wheaton recently talked about. As nice as it is to have those 30 min to get things done, I don’t want the TV to turn into the babysitter. I certainly don’t see that we’re using it like that right now, but it will probably come a time that we will need to ration her television watching. Or computer usage. Or video game playing. It’s hard enough to compete with hubby for XBox 360 time!

Technorati tags: parenting, television